I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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