Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
