I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do vagina's smell?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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