I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
