I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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