It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
