If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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