I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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