My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
