Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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