I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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