I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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