i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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