i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
