If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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