It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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