He told me they were just razor bumps!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize