On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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