Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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