I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize