Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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