do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
