he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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