one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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