Ambien. No doubt about it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
