Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize