Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
