I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
