you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
