I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
