I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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