i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
