the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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