Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
