im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
