Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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