i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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