she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
