Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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