...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
