I wish I could punch you in the face.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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