im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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