my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
These tits shall not be calmed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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