Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
