i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize