you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize