Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
