If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
