Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FUCK WHALES
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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