the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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