And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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