dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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