did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize