Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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