Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
