hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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