why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
