True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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