Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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