Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
