dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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